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Department of Administrative Research
"There's no mission that's impossible for the... Turks. Yeah, yeah." :—Reno and Rude when trying to find Zack and Cloud The Department of Administrative Research, more known as the Turks, is a special investigative and preemptive-response group within the ShinRa Electric Power Company. Notable members are Tseng, Reno, Rude, Elena, Cissnei, Shotgun, Gun, Martial Arts, Rod, and Nunchaku. (Many of the given names are aliases for security purposes.) They tend to seize control of FFTumblr every now and then. Directives The exact nature of their directives are classified. However, the Turks, along with ShinRa Inc., are currently working with the WRO. Department of Administrative Research Rules, Declassified Recently, however, the hitherto unwritten Department of Administrative Research rules, a set of guidlines for Turk behavior, have been codified and declassified. The rules as revealed thus far consist of the following: Rule #1: It’s the Department of Administrative Research to you. Rule #2: Loyalties may shift from head to head, but stays within ShinRa Inc. Rule #3: New recruits (henceforth referred to as “rookies”) must do paperwork from eight a.m. to twelve n.n., one p.m. to five p.m., and five p.m. to eight a.m. Rule #4: Wearing uniform properly is required. Rule #5: Rule #4 does not apply to Reno. Rule #6: When the President jumps off a building, you’ve got to catch him. Rule #7: Elena is not a rookie. Rule #8: Don’t get on Tseng’s bad side. Rule #9: Tseng’s good side is equal to his bad side. Rule #10: Don’t get near Tseng unless you have a death wish. Rule #11: Rules #8, 9, and 10 do not apply to the President, nor to the junior and senior Turks. Rule #12: Don’t break Rude’s sunglasses. Rule #13: Don’t break Rude’s sunglasses again. Rule #14: Don’t break Rude’s sunglasses a third time. Rule #15: He has an endless supply of sunglasses. Don’t bother trying. Rule #16: You need to date Cissnei. If you don’t and you haven’t, you’re a loser. Rule #17: Losers are not allowed to be Turks. Rule #18: Don’t get on Elena’s bad side. Rule #19: Elena’s good side is also her bad side. Rule #20: This doesn’t mean Elena is Tseng’s partner or anything. Rule #21: Late evening is officially Department of Administrative Research Night Out. Deal with it. Rule #22: Rufus ShinRa values the Turks, but he doesn’t usually say it out loud. Rule #23: The Turks, SOLDIER, and the ShinRa Army got along well. This was the truth. Rule #24: Reno has tenure and can never be fired. Rule #25: The other Turks are on classified missions. Do not disturb them. Rule #26: Please contact aka “Shotgun,” "Gun," "Rod," "Martial Arts," and "Nunchaku" though. Rule #27: Being a Turk makes you, by default, sexually appealing. Rule #28: If you want to get into a relationship with someone else, then do so. Rule #29: Rule #28 does not apply with regards to the President. Rule #30: If Reno passes you his paperwork, never accept it. Even if he is your superior. Rule #31: If Reno tells you that he is going bowling or bar-hopping, report it to the President immediately. Rule #32: Don’t quip about Tseng’s birthmark. His doom ray is lethal. Rule #33: Cissnei is the most beautiful woman in all ShinRa Inc. Accept it. Rule #34: Do not insult the Blond Gang, or any of its members. Elena is a dangerous Turk. Rule #35: Tseng doesn’t die. He is immortal. Rule #36: If you should see a black box, report it to the President immediately. Rule #37: You should know what Prime Directive no. 4 is. Rule #38: Classified information is absolutely classified. A few employees need further reminding, however. Rule #39: Don’t ask Rude why he is bald. That is just rude. Rule #40: Troll Reno if you must. He is a good sport until he lashes out his Electromagnetic Rod. Rule #41: Only Reno and Rude can (and will) clock out early. Tenure. Rule #42: Paperwork is actually optional. Rule #43: But Tseng is watching you. Rule #44: Tseng knows what you are thinking before you can even think it. Rule #45: Elena is not overeager and does not speak too much. Rule #47: Be prepared, mentally and physically, for Elena’s likespams. Rule #46: Seriously. Rule #48: The Turks do not take anything personally. Rule #49: The Turks do not like a certain personage, who will remain unnamed, in Sector 6. And with reason. Rule #50: Being a Turk makes you automatically above anyone else. Even SOLDIER, but you did not hear it from here. Rule #51: There are no rules. Rule #52: Don’t step on mess with the flowers. Rule #53: Knife is authorized to wear a skirt. It’s actually her proper uniform, so this doesn’t break Rule #4. Rule #54: But the rules are always broken anyway. Rule #55: You don’t troll the President. The President trolls you. And everyone else. But mostly you. Rule #56: Don’t ask what the relationship between Gun and Elena is. That’s a health hazard. Rule #57: Do not question the white trench coat. Rule #58: The usage of EMRs, firearms, knives, and other Department of Administrative Research equipments during sexual intercourse is prohibited. Rule #59: For queries or requests for exceptions RE: Rule #58, please ask Tseng. Rule #60: Don’t tempt Shotgun. (Or any Turk, really.) That’s dangerous for your nose and your health. Rule # 61: Whenever a deadpan / pokerface is expressed by any party A, then parties B, C, D and all the succeeding ones must give in return a similar response. Rule #62: Get. Scarlet. Away. From. The. President. Rule #63: Never give a Turk, especially Nunchaku, chocolate. Or cake. Or, worse, chocolate cake. Category:Institutions